


Confessions

by VoidGhost



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Based on a Tumblr Post, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Trapped, hand holding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 06:34:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19145521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VoidGhost/pseuds/VoidGhost
Summary: Caleb was disconnected from the current room, but still trying to protect them. He couldn’t hear or see what happened here.Couldn’t hear it if Fjord said anything to him…Huh.Or,Fjord wants to vent and Caleb is a brick wall when he's looking through Frumpkin. For the most part.





	Confessions

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a tumblr post by @fivegoldpieces which I fell in love with. 
> 
> Hope ya'll enjoy, happy pride month <3

The bubble acted as a cork in an alcove between the rocks. Fjord could see the expanse of trees past the transparent wall, an endless forest that undoubtedly held the threats they were hiding from. 

Fjord’s falchion lay in the dirt, the eye at the hilt watching him menacingly.

As it turned out, word of their achievements in the Dynasty did not go unheard of. In fact, the moment they stepped foot back in the Empire to visit Zadash, mages that Fjord could now say without a doubt were the Scourgers from Caleb’s past descended on them. Humanoids with masks and dark robes that made them invisible within the blink of an eye. 

Fjord had been on the forefront, taking on some tall, muscular mage that he only saw in rare moments when the invisibility was dropped. Even though he knew for sure that some of his Eldritch Blasts made a direct hit, the Scourgers were much stronger and faster. He was beaten more times than he could land hits. 

He was back-to-back with Caleb for the most part, which might have been why he had taken so much damage - the mages had a bone to pick with their favorite wizard. 

He could tell that Caleb was struggling to keep a brave face together, even as his hands shook as he cast his spells. Which was why he was relieved to hear Jester’s voice pop into his head. 

_ ‘Beau, Nott and I are splitting from the group - Caduceus and Yasha are, too. We’ll meet up later. Be safe, and Nott says protect Caleb--! _ ’

It was with great satisfaction that he prepared Thunderstep and, just as the mage he was locked in combat with fired a nasty-looking ice spell at him, he grabbed Caleb and got them the hell out of there. 

They found themselves somewhere in the forest surrounding the border. They were still near enough to hear distant noises as the Scourgers realized their targets were escaping. Wordlessly, Caleb gripped Fjord’s hand and they ran for it. 

Fjord used his final spell slot to cast Misty Step again, just to create some distance. Caleb shot him a gracious look, but beyond that, they ran together in silence. 

It wasn’t until they came across the alcove in the rocks that Fjord convince Caleb to take a rest. If they ran into those baddies again anytime soon, Fjord would be out of any energy to get them out again. 

Reluctantly, Caleb sat in the alcove and kept a paranoid eye on the woods as he summoned the bubble. It corked the opening of the alcove and protected them from any wandering eyes, mostly. Then Caleb worked on another spell to turn Frumpkin into an owl before sending him out to spy on the woods. 

And that became now: Fjord watching Caleb across the small cave as the man sat silently, his eyes a dull white glow. Their feet bumped together on the ground; a reminder to Caleb that Fjord was still there. 

The eye on the hilt of the falchion watched him, as if taunting him. As if it knew exactly what he was afraid of. 

He hasn’t had another threat from Uk’otoa since the interference in his last dream, but the looming fear of waking up without his powers has never fully gone away. 

They never would’ve gotten out of that situation if he had lost them.

He looked to the man sitting across from him. He could never protect Caleb if he had lost them.

He could tell Caleb was scared. None of them were prepared to face the Scourgers - himself especially. It would be his luck that the next time those mages track them down that Uk’otoa decides to quit. 

But, Caleb. When the mages first approached, Fjord thought Caleb was going to go into one of his episodes - it took the first mage, a lithe woman that Fjord could assume was Astrid (and didn’t that name give him a bitter taste in his mouth?), to throw down the first bolt of lightning that got Caleb moving again. But even since then, it was like Caleb moved on autopilot, like he had disconnected from the fight entirely. 

Like now. Caleb was disconnected from the current room, but still trying to protect them. He couldn’t hear or see what happened here. 

Couldn’t hear it if Fjord said anything to him…  

Huh. 

He had a lot on his chest. At times, it felt like a leaden weight that constricted his breathing. Like drowning. 

But it felt too soon to unleash all of that and burden one of his companions. Especially the one companion he wanted to say it all to the most. 

Maybe, maybe…. 

“...Hey, Caleb?”

The wizard did not respond. His face was pinched in a way that he did when he was studying his spells or concentrated on something important. Glancing out through the bubble, there was no orange owl in sight. 

Fjord took a deep breath. “I just, uh. Wanted to make sure you’re doing alright.” His thumb brushed the scar on his hand, and he looked down at it. “Do you ever think about it? How fucking crazy that was?” He huffed a half-chuckle. “Because I do. We never actually talked about it. I wonder sometimes if you meant it.” 

He looked back up, and Caleb was still gone to this world. His hand tapped anxiously on his knee as he continued to look through Frumpkin’s eyes. Fjord wondered what he was seeing. If it was anything bad, he would be talking - at least that’s what Fjord reassured himself with. 

“I understand if you didn’t mean it,” He continued with his one-sided conversation. “I know it’s hard for you to trust people. It’s...hard for me, too.” He looked back down at his hands, now fidgeting with a loose thread on the hem of his tunic. “I want to trust you. All of you. You’ve been nothing but kind to me. Well, ‘me’.” He cleared his throat, and he didn’t notice when Vandren’s accent began to slip from his tone. “‘Me’ as in, this version of myself. I told you a little, back at the Xhorhouse. That I love who I am now. These powers Uk’otoa has given me has changed me. I--” 

“All clear, still.” The sound of Caleb’s voice made Fjord jump - but when he looked up, he realized that Caleb was just updating him. His eyes were still glossed over in white. “I spotted Nott with Beau and Jester. They’re safe. Still looking for Yasha and Caduceus. Might be a while.” 

Fjord put a hand on his chest to calm his racing heart. He was almost caught. Almost. It scared him bad enough that he thought about tucking everything else away for now. 

But. The burden felt lighter. Like he could breathe easier. 

Maybe, if he was careful…. 

“Fjord? You’re still there?” Caleb reached a hand out, seeking confirmation. 

Fjord gripped his hand tight. Caleb sighed, a small smile curling on his features before his face pinched again in concentration. Fjord did not let go, and Caleb never pulled his hand away. 

“Anyway,” Fjord said, slow, cautious. “I love who I am now. And I’m glad I’ve been accepted as I am. But…” He took a deep breath, pausing to make sure Caleb was still distant. “It’s not who I used to be. I used to be an insecure sailor who never felt right in his own skin. And everyone around me reminded me that I didn’t belong.” His thumb brushed Caleb’s knuckles with a feather-light touch. “All it took was a pact with a demi-god to make people respect me. Who would’ve thought?” He laughed, bitterly. 

“You know what sucks the most, though?” Fjord looked up, and Caleb didn’t respond, because he couldn’t. “What sucks is that I think I’ve fallen in love with you. And you don’t even know who I really am.” 

That had begun to feel like the biggest weight, and he sighed in relief once it was out. There was still more itching to get out, but for the moment he relaxed. Caleb’s hand was warm between his, and he couldn’t help fidgeting with Caleb’s fingers, occasionally glancing at his face that remained unresponsive.

A few silent minutes passed before Caleb delivered his next update. 

“Found Yasha and Cad,” He said, his voice oddly tense. “I will make another round before Frumpkin heads back.” 

Fjord squeezed his hand in confirmation. Caleb did not say anything else. 

It was another long minute before Fjord cleared his throat. “I’m in love with you. And I don’t really know how it happened.” He chuckled dryly. “One moment I was holding a sword to your throat and threatening you not to steal - the next we’re sharing blood, making a promise to each other. And all I could think about was holding your hand again.” 

He couldn’t help it; he locked their fingers together in the way he’d been thinking about for ages. He knew Caleb must have felt it, but the wizard continued to say nothing. Maybe he could get away with it. 

“I love you,” Fjord said, quieter, almost a whisper. “And, I kinda think you might love me, too. But it terrifies me. Because--” And fuck, he wasn’t expecting to get emotional over this. He blinked away the tears building in his eyes and cleared his throat. “Because, if you do love me, then that means you fell in love with  _ this  _ me, the me with powers and confidence, and--” He couldn’t stop the break in his voice, or the tear he stubbornly wiped away. “And if I lose this, if Uk’otoa takes it all away again, then you’ll leave, too.” His hand was gripping Caleb’s tightly now, and he couldn’t stop the words or the incoming tears that dripped onto his tunic. “I’m in love with you, Caleb, and I don’t know what I would do if you left--” 

He broke off with a hiccup. With his free arm, he scrubbed at his eyes and hoped he could clean up before Caleb snapped back to reality, before he could see Fjord as a mess--

He looked up and found Caleb’s eyes had gone back to his bright sea blue color, and was watching him, wide and sad. 

“Fjord,” He said, quiet, tense. 

Fjord yanked his hand away - he didn’t miss the flash of hurt that crossed Caleb’s face - and hastily wiped whatever mess was left on his face. In a matter of seconds, he was back to Fjord: the strong Warlock with no visible weaknesses. 

“Fjord,” Caleb repeated, pleading. 

“How much did you hear?” Fjord asked, almost a whisper. 

Caleb was silent for a long moment, before confessing. “I lied about making another round. Frumpkin has been outside for a while.” 

Blood rushed through Fjord’s ears. He looked into the dirt, ashamed and hating himself for thinking he could do this without consequences. For thinking he was smart enough to not get caught. 

“Fjord,” Caleb said, cautious, like talking down a wild animal. “I know I eavesdropped on something you clearly didn’t want me to hear, but I’m glad I did. Listen--” He reached out and grabbed Fjord’s hand, locking their fingers like earlier. “You were right.” 

Fjord looked up and ice replaced the heat in his veins.  _ Of course _ , the voice in his head said,  _ of course you were right, no one will ever stick by you once Uk’otoa decides you aren’t worth it _ . 

Caleb must see the fear in his eyes, and backtracked. “I mean - you were right about me loving you back. I do, Fjord, I’m in love with you, and I’m just as scared about it as you are.” On his knees, Caleb crawled closer, his other hand clasped around their knotted fingers as if afraid Fjord will pull away. “And--and I’m very afraid you are about to bolt out of this cave right now.” 

Despite his instincts telling him to flee as fast as possible, Fjord forced himself to suck in a deep breath then blow it out with a little more control. Just enough to calm the panic running through his mind. 

Caleb waited patiently for Fjord to find his words. He felt Caleb’s thumb gently brush over his knuckles, his grip a steady presence to a situation that got severely out of hand. 

Ha. Puns. 

Fjord blew out another breath, cleared his throat. “I, um. Are you sure?” 

Caleb blinked. “About loving you?” Fjord nodded. Caleb crawled closer until their knees were touching. “Of course I am. I…have loved you for a while, interested in you far longer, but I was afraid to act on it. I think for the same reasons; I was afraid you would not like who I truly am.” He looked down at the ground, as if ashamed. “And perhaps we should have a conversation about that. If we intend for things to go further.” He looked back up, meeting Fjord’s eye, waiting for an answer. 

Fjord’s mouth had gone dry, so he nodded. There was still that lingering fear - of rejection, of horror, of disgust - but to know he wasn’t the only one with a rough history had eased the agreement, had tipped the scales. And yes, if he intended to be with Caleb in a way that lasts, then they have to be honest, even if it scares him. 

But until then…  

Fjord glanced down at Caleb’s lips, then back up. Caleb smiled. 

Fjord’s free hand slip around Caleb’s hips at the same time Caleb crawled the remaining distance between them. Their hands stayed clasp as their lips met, a feeling that almost had Fjord bawling all over again. He felt Caleb’s hand slide along the back of his neck at the same time he tilted his head, slotting their mouths together and deepening the kiss. 

He had waited for this for so long, and he wasn’t going to waste a second of it. 

They stayed wrapped in each other’s embrace until Jester’s cheery voice popped back into Fjord’s head and made plans to meet up at a nearby town. With a promise between them, Fjord and Caleb left hand-in-hand. 


End file.
